Unwanted
by Infactrus Pennae
Summary: Set during and after "Return to Tomorrow" Strong themes such as Rape.


Disclaimer: If God intended me to own Star Trek I would be rich. Instead he gives me the ideas to play with Paramount's toys…that I do so with no gain…except for the satisfaction of helping characters live and breathe in my own eyes. The characters contained here-in are the brain children of Gene Rodenberry, whom I am indebted for spicing my life. Copyright: 2002 T'Ryl

Unwanted Sympathy 

Christine watched quietly as he got out of the bed; she shivered at the thought of what had transpired in this cabin. Glancing around the room she looked at her clothing ... or what was left of them. She always knew he would be like no other man she had ever been with; not only was he larger than most other men he was shaped differently as well.

When he turned to get one last look are her form, he stated, "Once you lost your inhibition, you were quite the lover." His smile made her cringe. "It is indeed a pity this will not happen again between us." Reaching out he caressed her cheek, causing a chill to run through her body. "Now, it is time for you to leave."

"My clothes," she said, as his eyes followed her to the clothing lying on the floor.

He picked up the uniform that had earlier been ripped in the heat of passion. "This will not do; I cannot send you away in this. However, I have nothing to offer you." He looked in the closet at the clothing that belonged to the true occupant of the room. Seeing a robe, he pulled it out. "Put this on."

She looked at the robe; he couldn't expect her to go out in this. "I can't wear this; people would see me in it."

"You have a choice; go out in this or your clothing. Personally, I couldn't care if you went out the way you are right now." He was getting angry once again.

Christine once again became frightened he would hurt her. "I'll take the robe." She almost fell back as it hit her. Quickly putting it on, she rushed out of his room and didn't stop running until she reached the privacy of her own cabin. Falling onto the bed, she began to cry, "Why ... why has he done this to me?" Looking at the chronometer, she realized she was 30 minutes late for her shift in Sickbay. What could she say to excuse her lateness? There was no way she could tell the truth. She would never tell anyone what had happen to her. She couldn't even shower to get the dirt off her body. Dressing in another uniform, she brushed out the knots in her hair and washed her face.

Dr. McCoy was becoming more and more angered by the moment; his head nurse was never late and damn well better have a reason for being almost an hour late. When he saw Sickbay's doors open and she stepped in, he couldn't help noticing her faraway look. No, it was more than that - she looked like a frightened deer. Walking over to her, he put a hand on her shoulder. "Christine, you okay?"

Her back had been to him when she walked into Sickbay, and when he touched her, she wanted to scream. Her body trembled and she jumped. "Leonard, I'm fine." She turned to him hoping her face was no longer red from crying.

Dr. McCoy only shook his head. "I guess we are all jumpy these days, Chris." Ever since Jim, Anne Mulhall and Spock willingly gave their bodies to Sargon and his two fellow beings, everything seemed different. "Chris, why don't you go check on the captain?" Hopefully, getting her into her work would help whatever was eating at her.

Christine smiled and went to where the Captain was lying. When she reached for his hand, his eyes shot open. She had never seen anger on the Captain's face like this. "He hurt you; I assure you he will pay for what he did to you." It was Sargon's mind that reached out to her, his anger that reached out to her.

"How do you ... know what he did?" she questioned, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"My child, I can feel your pain," Sargon explained to her. "With your help, I will see that he is destroyed. But it would mean holding the one thing your Spock's body doesn't, at the moment ... his mind."

"NO ... he will know what happen to me!" She didn't ever want Spock to know that his body was used as a vessel of pain.

"Would you be willing if I could close off that part of your mind to him?" Sargon watched her intently; after what Henoch had done to her he wanted him to pay.

"Yes – I'll do what you want," Christine decided, after further consideration. Inwardly she wanted Henoch to die; even if it meant Spock found out he had raped her.

Sargon got up out of the bed placed a hand on the receptacle and the other on Christine as he transferred Spock's mind out of the holding receptacle and into Christine's mind. Spock could see images of her nightmare for less than a millisecond. Yet at first his own shock at being inside the woman that proclaimed to love him was disturbing. He saw something in her mind he was not expecting to see; the love she housed for him was gone, replaced by pain and bitterness. _'What happen to you?'_ His thoughts were warm and gentle.

_'Nothing that you can help,'_ she offered. As her thoughts converged with Spock's, her body followed the path that would lead to Henoch's destruction.

_'You might be incorrect there, Christine.'_ He would do whatever he had to; she was now and forever part of him.

She tried to force her mind to smile at him, but she knew it was too late,_ 'Sargon promised you would not know.' _

_'Christine, I saw your suffering momentarily; if I had been human I would never have seen it.'_ His thoughts were warm and helpful; he would ignore his anger at the misuse of his body. _'It will be over soon, and I will help you in any way I am able.'_

_'No one can help me; how can I ever look at you again without seeing what he did?'_ Her mind kept talking to Spock as her body injected Henoch with a deadly poison.

Once Spock had been in his own body and the others had left Sickbay, he walked over to Christine. "Nurse Chapel ... " He dared not touch her, lest he be reminded of what his body had done to her. When she turned to face her, he continued, "...we must talk of this. I do not desire it to involve anyone but the two of us."

"Mr. Spock, I am not ready to talk to you about this." Her eyes filled with tears. "I am not sure we will ever be able to talk about it." Quickly, she left Sickbay.

For the next two months, she avoided Spock whenever she could; she knew soon she would have to talk to him. All her careful measures couldn't stop people from realizing her body was changing. She had gone so far as to order feminine products from the replicator when she knew she would not need them ... for several months. How could she carry a child she didn't want? Even if it belong physically to the man she loved, in her mind, it belonged to Henoch. That thought made her wish she could just request two weeks leave and take care of her pregnancy once and for all. But she couldn't bring herself to let someone kill her baby. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't see where she was going and walked right into one of the crew. It caught her off balance and she would have fallen if he hadn't caught her. She looked up to say "thank-you" when she found Spock holding her, frowning.

"I believe our talk is overdue," he told her as he tried hard to hold down his anger - the images of her not wanting a child, his child, un-nerved him.

"I will be late," she said trying to get away. He knew; his eyes told her he knew.

"I assure you, if I tell Dr. McCoy I have need of you, he will excuse you." He dared her to disagree with him. He was angrier than he ever had been. Even if his mind had not been present, the baby she carried was his, and she wished it dead. He tried to calm himself; this would do neither of them any good. "Please Christine, I want to understand." He had to know why she would want an innocent life destroyed.

With a sigh, she acceded to his request. "Okay, but we need to go somewhere private."

"The Observation Deck is free at the moment," he suggested.

"No, I would rather go to the gardens." She always felt at peace there. Right now peace is what she most wanted.

"Very well, give me a moment to contact Sickbay." He walked over to the nearest comm unit, "Spock to Sickbay."

"Sickbay, McCoy here."

"Doctor, I wanted to advise you that I require Nurse Chapel to assist me for the next few hours; I will see she reports to duty as soon as we are finished." He would not tell him what they would discuss, since it was none of his business. "If Sickbay does not need her at the moment, the Science department does."

"It's slow in here right now; I think we can handle it," McCoy said, before he broke communication.

"You are now at my disposal," Spock informed her. Silently they walked to the gardens. Once they were there, Spock locked the doors and selected the "reserved" sign to be displayed to anyone trying to get in. "Christine, perhaps we should start at the beginning. It will help me understand why you would want to do what I felt in your mind." He couldn't bring himself to say "kill my child".

She sat down on the grass and started at the beginning, realizing it would do no good to hold anything back. "When it was time for his injection, he was in your quarters ... dressed in ... well not dressed ... he.." She paused for a moment before continuing; after what seemed like forever, she had finished her rumination of what happened to her. " ... and threw your robe at me, almost knocking me off my feet." Her eyes were filled with tears.

He had listened to her intently, almost understanding why she wouldn't want the child she was carrying. The graphic details she described were disturbing to him; even in the midst of _pon farr_ things would never be that violent. "Christine, I regret that he twisted what should have been a cherished act into the unspeakable experience you had. I understand why you would not want to carry the child."

She looked at him as she felt the trickle that could only be one thing, "I'm bleeding." She had suspected it would only be a matter of time before this happened. Her stomach had begun to cramp during her description of her rape. Suddenly, fear was upon her; had she caused this by wishing her baby didn't exist? "I'm sorry ... " before she finished her statement she passed out. Spock, not quite knowing what to do, picked her up in his arms and rushed her to Sickbay. The doors swished open. "Dr. McCoy ... " He would not panic; it would not do her any good.

"What the ... " Dr. McCoy closed his eyes at the sight of Spock carrying his passed out nurse. "Put her on the table Spock. I thought you guys were working?"

"I exaggerated ... " He set her on the table. "She ... I believe she is having a miscarriage."

"Miscarriage?"

"Yes, she had been..." He took in a deep breath, "raped by Henoch."

Dr. McCoy let the words sink in. "My God, no wonder she has been so quiet lately." Why hadn't he run a more complete physical on her; why didn't he see the signs sooner? He took a look at her body and ran a bio-scan on her. No doubt about it, she was indeed losing this fetus; however, it was not too late to stop it. He didn't even think of the reality of what had happen until he saw Spock standing in the corner, with a worried look on his face. "It's your baby, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is biologically my child." A single tear escaped his eye as he considered the prospect of losing the child. "Will she be all right?"

"She will be, but I can't yet promise the child will be," the Doctor said grimly. "Spock, I realize this is your child, but it will have be her decision as well if I save it."

"I will live with her decision, as I must. Whatever the outcome, she will of course, need psychological treatment for her experiences." Spock didn't want to see the child die.

"I know an excellent doctor that would be most helpful in this case," Dr. McCoy said, "but how do we get her there without alerting too many people?"

"Leave that to me," Spock said. The next thing he had to do was to arrange for both of them to be free. "Now, kindly wake her, so we may speak of this."

Dr. McCoy released medicines into her body that would both awaken her and stop the miscarriage. If Christine wanted it to happen, he would have to allow it to continue but he felt compelled to give Spock his chance to talk to her. "Chris, wake up," McCoy said gently.

She blinked her eyes a few times. "What ... where am I?" She was still dazed and felt a mild pain in her stomach, and then she remembered. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Spock, I am so sorry..."

"Shhhh ... just listen to me." He took her hand in the same fashion she had done when he was in Sickbay. "I told you I would help you and I will. The child you carry is mine, just as much as it is yours. I will not presume to force you to keep it if that is not your desire, but you need to understand this. I once apologized to you because you said you loved me, but you never know I wanted your love.

"Christine, I cherish you, I have for some time. At first I was bonded to T'Pring, then I was hurt and in pain from her rejection to seek out another female. Once we shared your mind, I saw you for who and what you really were and felt the need to protect you ... to ... " He had to say the right words; anything else would not do at this moment, "love you." He watched her she still didn't look as though she would let the baby live. "Christine, how would you feel if the memories of the conception happen differently?"

"I ... would want my baby ... our baby." Her eyes still couldn't look directly at him. The fact that he had admitted he loved her made her wish things had happened differently.

"Then allow me to alter the images...that is, if you would accept the baby's existence without Henoch being in any way a part of it." Spock normally would never consider this option, but there was a life that could be saved if she allowed it.

She looked at him; all she had to do was allow the images in her head to be altered, but did she want him that way? "Oh Spock, I do want my baby, but I will not trap you."

"Soon, it's going to be too late, Christine; you have to decide now," Dr. McCoy told her.

She looked at Spock, how could she do that to him? He would have other children, hopefully so would she. "No." She closed her eyes, her mind was made up; nature had decided she was not to have this child she would not fight nature now or ever. A tear fell down her check. "No, you may not intervene."

Spock closed his eyes she had made her choice. Whether he agreed or not, the child would not live. The woman he had come to care for didn't want to take his help. "Very well, then I will leave." Quickly he left the room, his pain to great to be displayed publicly.

The look on his face told her what she really needed to know, she had chosen wrong. "Oh, God, what did I just do?" she cried as Dr. McCoy prepared her to finish what nature started. "No. Stop, God please stop it!"

McCoy looked at her, "Chris, do you want your child?" If she wanted her baby, there was still a chance to save it.

"Yes, God help me, I want my baby," she said as she watched the door where Spock had just exited.

"Good, now let's fix you up. You can tell Spock later," he told her as he smiled, as long as it wasn't too late the child would live.


End file.
